i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
