Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
