I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?