best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
High School Students Hilariously Rank Celebrities By Their Stank For Class Project
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
15 Things You Truly Understand If You Sleep Next To Someone Who Snores Like A Rhinoceros Every Night
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.