i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Woman Using Lunch Break To Find Another Job Gets Hilariously Snitched On By The Local News
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
28 ‘Thanks For Coming To My Ted Talk Tweets’ Funnier And More Informative Than An Actual Ted Talk
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes