So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.