how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Randomize
