kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
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