I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Randomize
