I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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