420 ftw
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
You had me at "let me see your balls"
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
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