Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
