Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
