Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
3 2 1 whiskey
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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