either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
