i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
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