YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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