Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
We are all done wearing pants today
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
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