btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
