Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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