i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
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