I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
