A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
