Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
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