I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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