How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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