i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
