Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
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