you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
