Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
