ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
