My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize
