So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
