I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Randomize
