Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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