i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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