So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Will exercising make me less horny?
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
