Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
