I wish my penis had an off switch
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize