and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Randomize
