ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
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An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
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