Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I think a kid would responsible me up
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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