my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
