your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Vodka?
Forever.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
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