no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
