he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
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