you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Randomize
