Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
