Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
