batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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