jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Randomize
