..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
At least make sure they are 18
Why
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
