God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
