First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
