she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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