Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
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