Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
