No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
