I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
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