woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Randomize
