I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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