i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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