Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
did i just pee glitter
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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