I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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