worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Randomize
