We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
