DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
