Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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