so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
