I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
