i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
