He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
