Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Your cock deserves a montage
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Randomize