the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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