my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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