One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
