I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Randomize
