Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
