Where are you?
In a non slutty way
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
