peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
she pinky promised me she was 18
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
