I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Randomize
