How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
What a dumb baby whore.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
me + whiskey = a bad person
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
