Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
