sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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